First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize