Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
