just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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