Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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