It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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