How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
