You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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