ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
