well I can't set my house on fire every night
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
