pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize