So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
