The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize