addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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