just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
