i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
