I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
