Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
