I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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