ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize