I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
