GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
