there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
