maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
