well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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