Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
