I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my liver is dry heaving
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
