According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
