Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize