the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize