If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
