weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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