Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
