how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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