There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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