I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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