so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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