I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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