..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
