just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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