we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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