feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
