i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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