my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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