Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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