I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
