my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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