i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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