that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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