I wish I could teleport
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
