WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
