I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
