it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
