So gin and wine won't be happening again
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
