false alarm. still invincible.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
