I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
