woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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