1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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