I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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