I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
