Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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