Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
