I need to stop coming to work sober
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
