your parents love me but you hate me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
